Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for all the things I have and I’m grateful because I’m privileged to receive a decent education but don’t you think there’s something seriously wrong when school is making us have suicide thoughts instead of being happy at the knowledge we receive. I feel like it’s not even about knowledge anymore, it’s about a competition of who can memorize things better or write faster etc. All that so that you will be able to enter a good college/university and have a decent job to make it in the real world. Of course not everybody can relate and agree with me, but I’m just stating my personal opinion and experience here.
I graduated high school in November 2013 and finished my IGCSEs on the following December. I am past all of that and to be honest, I don’t even know how I did it or how I’m still alive. I know that when I start college, all of these will happen again and I fucking dread it. Some of you may think that a gap year is a waste of time, but I can’t say the same for me because it helped me so much in the emotional/mental kind of way and I’m so glad I took it. I learned and I know now that things do get better (it’s fucking cliché but hella true). This time last year, I wanted to jump off my window, but today, my toughest decision I have to make is picking what to eat for breakfast (god I love being idle). However, undeniably, this idle happiness isn’t going to last forever because you might have to start college again or something, but this is life – there’s got to be some sort of challenge in there or it will be eternally boring and being idle wouldn’t feel as rewarding as it should be.
I also learned to give less fucks. I mean, if you give all your fucks away, how many fucks will you have left for yourself? You’re on your own in the real world (ok quoting Paramore) and sometimes, you have to watch out for yourself so be a little selfish and keep at least some of your fucking fucks.
My analogy is terrible and my drawing is even worst but I hope you get my point. Stop caring so much because when you care, you unconsciously or not unconsciously build these expectations and when you don’t reach it, you fall harder. Carpe fucking diem, mother fucker. Seize the day and enjoy the present because it’s called present for a reason – it’s a gift. What happened in the past is beyond your reach, and if you worry too much about your future, you’ll miss all the good things that happens today (and you’ll probably only be happy when you’re old and wrinkly and that’s no fun YOLO). I’m not saying not to care at all, but moderation is key and YOU and your happiness is priority. Again, this is just my personal advice and opinions from my experience, plus it’s probably easier said than done, but I don’t want anybody to feel the way that I felt so I hope you take my word for it if you’re going through a relatable experience. I want you to be happy, so don’t let stress compromise it too much, at least not to the point of wanting to kill yourself. Yo we are motherfucking majestical creatures galloping through the dark forest that is life and nobody and nothing can cage us. Rant over.Seedot later.