Monday, 30 June 2014

Stress

Stress is not necessarily a terrible thing, but fuck let me rant about it for a bit okay. Currently I’m taking a gap year between high school and college (since my course starts on September), and I admit that I’m pretty chill now and my stress level is probably lower than average, which gives me ample time to think about the past stress I’ve been through in high school. Now I know most of you are either still in school or in college, and it’s safe for me to assume that you guys are in at least some sort stress – and for some it could be an ongoing drive of motivation, but I know some of you struggle really hard with it. For me, it was a combination of both – but the struggle is real and it’s major. Putting together all the things to be stressed about, I worried about school homework, grades, mocks, IGCSEs, track and field, social events I’m planning and events I have to attend in general, my diet, exercise, cheerleading, my body image, my relationship with my family, friends, teachers etc. I understand some of you even have to deal with work, significant others, projects, rents and whatever, you name it. Oh yeah, don’t forget to also reserve some of that time from your limited 24 hours for sleeping, eating, bathing and breathing, let alone having ‘me’ time. All of this at the same time when I was only at the feeble age of 14-16, while my body was still growing and raging with hormones, trying to understand the world, myself and life – and there they are, engraining into my mind, our minds that THIS is what the world and life is about. All of these expectations to reach and if you fall short, there is something wrong with you. Well perhaps it was just me not being able to cope with stress as well, but those were dark times to me and it contributed so much to my depression that at a few points of my life, I wanted to commit suicide. Before you start thinking “you’re young, why commit suicide over small things like that”, think about what caused it and instead of pointing fingers at me because maybe, just maybe, there’s something wrong with the system, not me. It takes a lot of time and recovery to get past that and love myself again to know that this is not entirely my fault. Depression is not as obvious as a broken bone – it’s like an invisible cancer slowly taking over our body and killing us. For me, these stress contributes so much to that and the scariest part is that I know I’m not the only one who feels these way. There are people dying because of this – it’s a silent epidemic and nobody is doing anything about it.
Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for all the things I have and I’m grateful because I’m privileged to receive a decent education but don’t you think there’s something seriously wrong when school is making us have suicide thoughts instead of being happy at the knowledge we receive. I feel like it’s not even about knowledge anymore, it’s about a competition of who can memorize things better or write faster etc. All that so that you will be able to enter a good college/university and have a decent job to make it in the real world. Of course not everybody can relate and agree with me, but I’m just stating my personal opinion and experience here.
I graduated high school in November 2013 and finished my IGCSEs on the following December. I am past all of that and to be honest, I don’t even know how I did it or how I’m still alive. I know that when I start college, all of these will happen again and I fucking dread it. Some of you may think that a gap year is a waste of time, but I can’t say the same for me because it helped me so much in the emotional/mental kind of way and I’m so glad I took it. I learned and I know now that things do get better (it’s fucking cliché but hella true). This time last year, I wanted to jump off my window, but today, my toughest decision I have to make is picking what to eat for breakfast (god I love being idle). However, undeniably, this idle happiness isn’t going to last forever because you might have to start college again or something, but this is life – there’s got to be some sort of challenge in there or it will be eternally boring and being idle wouldn’t feel as rewarding as it should be.
I also learned to give less fucks. I mean, if you give all your fucks away, how many fucks will you have left for yourself? You’re on your own in the real world (ok quoting Paramore) and sometimes, you have to watch out for yourself so be a little selfish and keep at least some of your fucking fucks.


My analogy is terrible and my drawing is even worst but I hope you get my point. Stop caring so much because when you care, you unconsciously or not unconsciously build these expectations and when you don’t reach it, you fall harder. Carpe fucking diem, mother fucker. Seize the day and enjoy the present because it’s called present for a reason – it’s a gift. What happened in the past is beyond your reach, and if you worry too much about your future, you’ll miss all the good things that happens today (and you’ll probably only be happy when you’re old and wrinkly and that’s no fun YOLO). I’m not saying not to care at all, but moderation is key and YOU and your happiness is priority. Again, this is just my personal advice and opinions from my experience, plus it’s probably easier said than done, but I don’t want anybody to feel the way that I felt so I hope you take my word for it if you’re going through a relatable experience. I want you to be happy, so don’t let stress compromise it too much, at least not to the point of wanting to kill yourself. Yo we are motherfucking majestical creatures galloping through the dark forest that is life and nobody and nothing can cage us. Rant over.
Seedot later.



Wednesday, 4 June 2014

17th



On the 26th of May 2014, I celebrated the 17th full orbital period of the earth around the sun since my birth – or in other words, I celebrated my 17th birthday. Now that I’m actually 17, I don’t have to feel so guilty like I’ve sinned when I buy a copy of Seventeen magazine. Cindy (you can stalk this to-be socialite on her blog @ www.cindyleow.blogspot.com) and I decided to just have a casual hang out at 1 Utama in which we met up for rock climbing and lunch since everyone else was too busy with college to join us and bring me presents. Much to our dismay, we discovered that the rock climbing arena would only open at 2pm on weekdays and because we couldn’t stay for long for we both had something else to do at night, we initially decided to just ditch that and do something else. I don’t know why is it when Cindy and I together, we always ALWAYS end up getting ourselves into really spontaneous outbreaks of tiny adventures (like that time we were lazy to walk from Pavilion to KLCC so we both took a train for hours and got lost and ended up all the way in bangsar and it was necessary for cindy to make an alias and we jumped off the train and I almost died – but that’s another story). Anyway, do you remember those kawaii photobooths during the terrible era of 2008ish? We went to the arcade and this happened. 


So after that’s done and after window shopping aimlessly for hours, I don’t know how we both ended up with the idea of having our nails done. The woman who did my nails laughed at one of my jokes even tho I was absolutely sure she hated us and that was one of the highlights of my day. Her name is Mary Jane and I wanted to punch her for that because Gwen Stacy > Mary Jane. Cindy and I picked a god-awful color but I suppose that’s basically a summary of us when we are together; our judgements are usually unbelievably amiss somehow but YOLO. Here’s a tip from me: Crimson colored nail polish + man hands = don’t. 

After I paint my nails on any occasion, I will do everything unnaturally and with extreme precaution and I try not to touch anything or anybody until I forget that I actually have nail polish on. With perfect judgment and amazing decision making skills, Cindy and I grabbed some finger food at Chilli’s right after that so go figure. Even better, since it was already 2-3ish at that time, we immediately went for rock climbing next. On the scale of 1 to spontaneously going for rock climbing right after going for an expensive manicure, how dumb are you?



No, but Cindy is a child prodigy who scored the best scores in the world for IGCSE literature and best in Malaysia for IGCSE history of last year with multiple other talents. My best friend is a nerd with terrible judgment what a total package. But no matter how rash and irrational our decisions are, the extemporaneous adventure kinds are usually the most exciting ones with the best stories to tell. And honestly, swearing at each other as we made silly faces into the photobooth camera, rock climbing while trying not to chip our nails and everything else in between was really fun and I’m glad I got to spend the day with this fucking asshole. 

I went home afterwards under the pretense that I was having a birthday dinner with my family at Tanzini. I got home and dressed up and we headed there and thank god I looked amazing because it was actually a surprise party with my friends & boyfriend. We went to The View bar because apparently the view at the view bar was a nice view. 



w/ James
w/ Cindy
w/ Kimberly
From left to right: Max, Kimberly, myself, James, Cindy, Hareen, Lara, Shen Lynn

After blowing out the candles and taking more pictures than necessary, we took a cab to pavilion because I was wearing heels and there was no way in hell I would walk all the way there + we were broke as fuck so we couldn't afford food at G-Tower + we all craved for KFC. So here we are, all dressed up like rich bitches and having a KFC birthday dinner, and if you’re wondering, it was absolutely amazing. CHEESY WEDGES *swoons* but I’m still not over the fact that they got rid of popcorn chicken like what the fuck is wrong with you KFC are you trying to commit a mass slaughter of popcorn chicken lovers AKA everyone? 




Prior to going home, we went for a drink at Tom, Dick and Harry’s and Cindy, being the brilliant child prodigy she is, told the bartender it was my birthday and the live band sang to me in front of the entire bar. Isn’t it embarrassing enough to have your friends sing to you while you stand there like an idiot waiting for your cue to blow out the candles? Gee thanks you fucking dimwit. Side note, the band was really good though and I don’t know how people can be so good at singing outside of showers. 

I saw it as just another Monday but if anything, I’m glad there’s a day every year when everyone has to be nice to you and give you compliments hurray for birthdays. Nevertheless, I’m even more grateful to have such amazing people in my life who went through all that effort to plan and celebrate it with me. Thank you guys, I honestly truly appreciate it. I love you guys so much that when I die, I promise not to haunt y’all as a ghost. 

That’s all for now. Seedot later.

Saturday, 31 May 2014

Introductory Post

Blogs after blogs, truthfully I never really know how to begin the very first post of my blog. I suppose it’s in order for people to introduce themselves. Hello person on the other side of the screen, my name is Shu Cean Chua. 



I just turned 17 years old. I am an ex-pessimist trying to turn over a new leaf and find myself as I try to rediscover the world in a new light of beauty. As cheesy as it is, I’ve been very unhappy for a very long time and this is my journey to be happy again, and I figure writing my ups and downs along the way would be great for not only myself, but everyone else out there hoping to do the same. Besides that, I’m a really boring person though. My hobbies consists of binge watching tv shows, complaining and crying over fictional characters. I am an avid gym goer and a fitness fanatic. Well, not as much as I used to be, but I do in a healthy amount for my physical and emotional wellness. I also have a soft spot for cats. If you have whiskers and soft paws and licky licky tongue and are a cat in general, there is a 100000% chance that I already love you by default.



I should also forewarn my readers if there are any out there that I have that kind of sense of humor you’d roll your eyes so hard at, you’ll be able to see your insides. 

I can’t possibly fit all about me into this one introductory post and I really don’t want to bore any of you with cold hard facts about myself. The really cool thing about everyone is that we all have our own stories to tell. There are approximately 7 billion people on earth right now, and plenty others who inherited the earth before we did with their own versions of life experiences. 7 billion people on earth right now and growing, with billions of new stories made as every second passes. That is at the very very least 7 billion stories. I am only one of the billions upon billions, and even so, I don’t think I’ll be able to fully express my life story. This is mine though. Well, partially. I’m hoping that as this blog grows and as I grow, I’ll be able to tell depict more; because one day, when I’m old and wrinkly with short term memory lost, I want to be able to read about my story and somewhat relive (at least in my head) all these amazing life experiences that made me that wrinkly old lady with short term memory lost that I will probably be. Via this blog, I invite any of you to join me in that somewhat selfish and silly, albeit important journey. Thank you so much in advanced.


Like most successful youtube personas and bloggers out there, they have some sort of a catchy phrase to sign off their videos/posts. After long hard deliberation with myself in my head, I’m going to go with seedot later. 



Okay that’s really stupid but seedot is one of my favourite pokemon okay it’s really cute okay okay okay. Perhaps I’ll change it when I think of a much better one; but for now, seedot later.